Mama Mia ... Here I go again!

Well here I am on this Mothering Sunday... alone for the first time with no daughter to shower me with her Mother´s day greetings, hugs and kisses but she sent me an amazing Moonpig Card with a photo of the two of us and a really eloquent message which just had me in tears. It was not so long ago when Krish would come home from school with her hand made mother´s day card and she would get Dad to buy something from her. Back in the good old days, we would wonder out to a nice country pub and have a Sunday lunch together... memories heh... If she was here now, I know we would spend a lovely day together... have a nice lunch, go for a stroll on the beach and knowing Krishy she would bake me a cake...how I miss the good old days!

I thought of her today and I thought of my mum. Mum ... what can I say... I think of mine and my heart melts. I never met anyone in my life who sacrificed so many things just to ensure her family was happy. All my life, I remember mum working, just like dad, working to make sure we had a good education, that we wore nice clothes and were able to go on school trips. After dad died, mum continued to work even harder because she wanted Naieya to do well and have the best level of education. Today at 65, she continues to go to work everyday with a smile on her face... she is always there at the end of a phone to listen to me if I am down or just need advice and she is an amazingly loving mum in law to my Ketan and my brother in laws. If there is one thing my mum always has and it is a smile on her face... and I love that. I used to think I got my determination from dad but I underestimated mum... no she is the survivor, the determined one who strives to achieve the best for her and her family and it is only now, I realise, my determination has come from her as well.

For many years when dad was alive, mum was learning to drive and each year she went for her test and failed... she was nervous and dad would just chuckle at her... but she never gave up... she must have done this for at least 10 years if not more... the year after my dad passed away, my mum took her test again and she passed... maybe she realised she now needed it more than ever before. If dad was here now, he would be so proud of her... the way she has stood up to life´s blows... losing him, losing her son and having the challenge of bringing one of her daughter´s up single handedly... and doing it always with a smile on her face... she is and always will be my inspiration. If you read this mum, thanks for being a fantastic mum, gran and mum in law... we love you.

I think of my gran today... and those of you who know her... know she has a reputation for being a "battle axe"... we all felt sorry for grandad (god bless him) when she rollicked him for eating too much of the things he liked and we laughed when he turned off his hearing aid when she told him off... but despite this ogre image... Ba as we all know her as... is a loving grandma, devoted to her family and especially her grand children. She may make out she is a tiger but inside she is a pussycat! Love you Ba!

Finally, although Ketan´s mum is no longer with us... she is always in our hearts. I have such found memories of mum... she was one of the most kindest, generous women I ever met with a wonderful sense of humour... I owe so much to her for making me feel so welcome in the Gandhi family, when I met and married Ketan. She always gave us good advice and I thank her for showing me how to cook surti style... I know that had she lived she would have loved Spain and spent many days out here with us. Wherever you are mum, we love you dearly.

So although, I was alone today... I did not feel it as all these thoughts and memories of my nearest and dearest ones surrounded me with warmth.

So to all the mums out there, past and present... Happy Mother´s Day!

Love

Sharmila

NNNNNNNineteen, Nineteen!!

On March 13th 1992, I was heavily pregnant with my first and little was I to know then, my only child. My hormones were playing were going crazy and I was ready to deliver anytime now. It was Friday morning and we were in our first marital home in Penwortham when my husband, Ketan, received a phone call from a female work colleague. I was not amused that he was laughing with her on the phone and being jovial and here I was looking like an African elephant. As the phone call ended, I asked who it had been on the phone ... and could not believe how jealous I was feeling...it sounds crazy but my jealousy got the better of me and I have no idea how but before I knew it, a frying pan was a flying pan... hurtling in Ketan´s direction. "Are you mad?" he shouted.... I just burst into tears.... What was going on? I had never felt so uptight....

The phone rang again and my husband refused to pick it up... for fear of being the target of another UFO. I answered the phone.... It was the police... "Oh my god!" I thought. "That was a quick response, have they got spy cameras in the house? Would they arrest a heavily pregnant, hormonal, elephant shaped woman?"

"Hello Mrs Gandhi," said a placid voice "We were wondering if you would come and translate for us today. We have a man in custody who only understands Gujarati and we need his statement." I sighed with relief and thinking how I needed to take my mind off my tender situation, I jumped at the opportunity and said yes. My husband anxiously asked me if I was sure that it was a wise thing to do, with only three days to go before baby´s due date. I knew it would help me to do something positive and told myself well if my waters break, at least they could wizz me down to the hospital quickly in a flashing lights panda car.

I spent the whole day in the cells with a prisoner, finding out what had happened and translating his statement. Ironically, I felt calm and really at ease and the morning´s outburst seemed so distant.

When Ketan came to pick me up, I couldn't believe how hungry I was...we headed for our local chippy and got a huge bag of hot, thick cut chips, mushy peas and I had a pickled onion. I scoffed it all down and enjoyed every bite.

In the early hours of Saturday 14th March, my waters broke and we rushed to hospital. After only three hours of huffing, puffing and pushing, suddenly a little head with a mop of thick black hair popped out. The midwife shouted that baby had arrived and she exclaimed at the sight of so much hair. I couldn't´t see a thing but Ketan peered down below and screamed with delight... it´s beautiful... and finally the midwife cried... "It´s a girl!".

All this time the radio had been playing pop songs... it was Radio 1 and as my little girl arrived, the radio went pip, pip, pip and it was 12.30pm.

As I look back at that memorable 24 hours which changed our lives forever, I am smiling and wishing I could do it all over again. Now today on March 14th 2011, my little girl who we named Krisha Kay Ketan Gandhi, is 19. Nineteen... where did all those years go? She is everything a daughter should be... she takes after her mum of course!... hardworking, kind, caring and clever... she is compassionate, loving and funny... I am biased of course because she is my little girl... but truly she is everything and it is just so difficult to express how much we love her.

For the first time in 19 years, we are not celebrating her birthday with her... it is odd. So this blog is dedicated to Krisha... everyday with you in our lives is a celebration. Thanks for making our lives complete... Love you more than words could ever express.

Your oh so proud mum and dad! xo

PS 19 years on and no more domestic UFOs in site!

All the 4s 44

Well here I am after a long break writing this blog on quite an auspicious day. Although I am 44, I tend to see myself as 50 minus 6... I know that sounds pessimistic but I can't help it. That big 50 is looming and even though I feel as if I am in my early twenties, I have to remind myself that I am twice that! Last week, during creative arts week, I was teaching lots of little ones how to bollywood dance; after 5 days of jigging up and down and changing the light bulb whilst patting my imaginary dog, my knees began to cave in and I almost felt like my mother does... desperately needing a knee replacement ... unlike Shakira, my hips were definitely lying!

Although most of my spare cash, after feeding my four cats, goes on anti-wrinkle creams, I am not frightened of getting older... I just hope I have whatever Joan Collins and Jane Fonda have... the secret of looking amazing and being fit. Will I be able to make a keep fit video like them?

I look back now at my 44 years and thank god for every blessing I have had. Fantastic parents...Thanks to my dad for my beautiful and apt name: those of you who know me, know I am truly a shy girl! Also for making me the driven person that I am ... always aspiring to achieve and realise my ambitions. Thank you to my mum who is the strongest rock on this earth... you have inspired me to be a loving, caring and generous mother and to cherish the wonderful life that I have.

I sometimes feel like I am a flower on a beautiful plant and alongside me are three other beautiful flowers... without whom my life would be so empty and lacking. I have been so lucky to have three amazing sisters all of whom are angels. Together we are Ramila's Angels. Thanks girls for all the amazing times we have had. Love you always.

I am also blessed with the most amazing in-laws. In fact saying in-laws does not feel right because, to me they are my family and I love them truly. Mum is not with us now but I feel she surrounds us in an amazingly spiritual way... I thank her from the bottom of my heart for teaching me great surti cooking; for instilling in me a sense of unprecedented generosity to all that enter my life: she was truly a role model. Thanks for dad for being dad... kind and so committed to faith. Thanks to my wonderful bhai and bhabhi who are like big brother and sister to me and thanks to Seetu and Hiren (and now Aileen) who have made me feel so special... I love you all.


Although I cannot mention everyone, I need to say a big I love you my nieces and nephews; you know who you are... thank you making me laugh and smile.

Coming to Spain, meant saying goodbye to one world and entering another. Those early days were lonely and I knew no-one but then slowly but surely, my little God, sent me some amazing guardian angels who have made me feel that I belong here: Rene, Pauline and Massimo to name a few... thank you for your love and friendship. I particularly must mention Pilar and Pepe... the two people who look after me and are there for me, Ketan, Krisha and of course my cats... Gracias por todo... os quiero mucho y para siempre!

But this blog would be incomplete if I did not mention two very special people who make my life complete and make me the person that I am today: Ketan and Krish: You are for me, my everything: If I have nothing but your love and your presence in my life, I will be happy. As my beautiful friend Pilar calls him Santo Ketan: he is truly a Saint and the man should be given an award for putting up with me and especially my snoring after I have had a few vinos rosados. Thank you for your eternal love: you are my Shah Jehan, my Romeo and my Amitabh, I will always be your Mumtaz, Juliet and Jaya (Badhuri) hahaha!!!

Krish no matter how far away you are physically, you are always in my heart. You have no idea how proud I am of you. You have quietly persevered and climbed mountains and reached summits and although your adventures have only just begun, in my eyes you have become a true explorer and I hope and pray that you have a life time of learning and never forget that it is not the destination that is important but the journey... enjoy and cherish the moments. Thank you for being the best daughter and friend a mother could ask for... hand on heart You are simply the best!

So if anyone is reading this and has got as far as this paragraph and you happen to be near a bottle of something wet and intoxicating, please pour some in a glass and raise it to toast Life! 44 years and here's to the next 44 and more!

Breakfast with a Surprise!

Over the last few weeks we had travelled through the Alpujarras and Andalucia without any premeditated plans and had been fortunate enough to find accommodation at every port we called at. Amazing considering that it was the height of the season and we hoped that the second leg of our journey would be as fortunate. We drove out of Cadiz, heading eastwards towards Malaga, along the Costa Del Sol. We were unsure where our next watering hole would be but excited about finding yet another pleasant surprise. Even now as I look back, this drive was endless and torturous at times. For some reason, we could not seem to find somewhere to stop... we just kept going and going. We had set out during the daylight hours and suddenly something was missing... Oh Yes, it was that feature that Spain is so famous for, The SUN!! All I could see were the stars and a big bright moon. We were hungry and tired and needed to stop. Somewhere in the middle of nowhere, we found what looked by an extended house come restaurant come service station. Our Spanish was as good as our Russian... but with the help of my amazing face expressions, animal sounds and sign language, we managed to order a vegetarian meal. I had explained in my best stressed Spanglish that we did not want any sort of carne (meat) or Pescado (fish) nada nada nada... nothing at all; simply vegetables, cheese and eggs were ok. As the food came out, our eyes lit up and our stomachs jumped with joy at the thought of being fed at last; but as each plate was placed in front of us by a smiling satisfied looking waiter, our hope took a massive plunge into the depths of despair... the plate of chips was immaculately garnished with bacon, the fried eggs were twinned with bacon, the vegetables had bits of bacon... we looked at each other, doomed. I had covered all the possible animal expressions that I could to say no meat but had forgotten to snort like a pig and of course, they had assumed pig meat would be fine and had generously covered all our dishes with it. Initially we tried to eat the bits not touching the meat but we could smell the bacon and it was impossible... eventually we surrendered, defeated and exhausted, we paid the bill... the waiter looked dismayed at the plates of uneaten food... and we dragged ourselves to the car once more. We would drive to the next town and hope to find a hotel where we would simply collapse.

We drove and drove and stopped at town after town... where we asked at hotel after hotel if there were vacancies but every where we went the answer was no... I thought of Joseph and Mary and how they got turned away from all the inns and taverns... but it wasn´t Christmas... surely we would be luckier? By this time it was past midnight and most of the reception areas of these small family run hotels were closing down... slowly but surely our luck was running out and finally we had to accept that there was no room at any inn for the Gandhis. What would we do? where would we sleep? We had ended up in a small town called Estepona. It was too dark to really tell what it was like and we were too tired to really care. Ketan looked at us and said "We will have to park up somewhere and sleep in the car tonight, hopefully tomorrow we can book into a hotel". Krisha had already fallen a sleep and we stretched her out in the back and propped her head on a plump rucksack and kissed her "nite nite". Ketan drove into an open air car park outside a nightclub where there was lots of lively activity. "It will be noisy for a while but it is safer here", he said. He parked the car and we reclined our seats as far as they would go and closed our eyes. Ketan dropped off quickly and Krish was fast asleep oblivious to our whereabouts but for a while, I could not sleep at all. I watched people going in and out of the night club like bees buzzing around a nectar filled plant: I was anxious that someone might harm us or what if Krish was abducted while we were fast asleep... but gradually, somnia pushed my eyelids down like a heavy weight pressing down a thin sheet of paper and I drifted off into another world.

As the day broke, we stirred and awoke to another day of glorious sunshine. We decided to drive down into the town to find a coffee shop to have some breakfast. It was early and everything was still shut so finally we ended up at a petrol station where I could smell the rich warm aroma of coffee beans and freshly baked bread. We got three huge hot croissants and comforting coffee and juice for Krish and we drove down towards the shore. Estepona was right on the coast and the beaches looked like silver dust and the sea looked calm and collected...despite the rough night, we were happy and ready to tuck into our meat free breakfast. I had never experienced such tranquility and this was probably one of the best breakfasts we had ever had... the three of us, looking out to sea, eating hot croissants and supping real coffee made with real beans. Just as things could not have got any better, we heard the pitter patter of feet, and saw a very fit, athletic man running on the beach along side the sea... We all watched him in awe and thought how disciplined he looked... suddenly without any warning, he ripped off his Lycra shorts and with absolutely nothing on he sprinted into the sea... "Oh, Oh!!!" I shrilled "Cover Krish's eyes up... she will be scarred for life"... We did not know whether to laugh or cry but as fast as he could, Ketan started the engine and drove away. I looked back at the man bobbing up and down in the water... and thought... "brave man... that water must be freezing...he obviously has the balls!" I smiled and thought how I would never forget our Breakfast in Estepona.

The Icing on Our Cake

The last few weeks have gone by so fast and I have wanted to cherish every moment of our time with Krish before she intrepidly ventures forth in that big wide world... I am so excited for her but at the same time gutted that she is leaving us, moving forward but without us... until now we have shared so much with her and virtually everything we have done, we have experienced it together but now it will be others you share her dreams and we will undoubtedly become spectators, with possibly the rare cameo appearances at special events. I wish I could have a special Life I-Player which enables me to replay all those fantastic moments of her childhood: the annual birthday parties with clowns and character cakes. Every year, the birthday party would be a major project to organise... my sister Alka would be enrolled as the party planner and we would decide what this year's feature would be: one year we had the party in the local village hall with a mad magician and lots of smelly egg mayo sandwiches; another year it was a bouncy castle in our back garden, with a chocolate caterpillar cake, which went down a treat. As she grew older the parties disappeared only to be replaced by insomniac sleepovers when the entire house would be swamped by friends and if we stayed we would be banished to our bedroom for 24 hours with no access to any other part of our home... so of course we would disappear to a local restaurant until we knew it was safe to return. In more recent years, she would go out with her best friends for a meal followed by cocktails in their favourite Moroccan style bar with golden globes, and deep, rich red resting places with comfy cushions eastern embroidered. Symbolically, like a pivotal turning point, this year, her 18th birthday brought friends and family together to celebrate a key milestone ... excited that she had grown up into a beautiful human being and proud of her achievements to date and already anticipating those yet to come...simultaneously there was a sadness as we said goodbye to our little girl and our cosy family set up. Next year when she is in Beijing, it will be the first time when she celebrates her birthday without us... I wonder curiously what this will be like for her and for us... I for one will raise a glass of champers at 12.30pm on 14th March 2011 and say thank you Krish for being the icing on our cake.

Krisha Kay Ketan Gandhi - The First 18 years

I have decided to take a diversion from my normal blog and write a little something about someone really special. She entered our lives on the 14th March 1992 at 12.30pm whilst I was lying prostrate on my back, screaming at Ketan, one of my specialisms, and grabbing his hand so tight he was crying, a rare moment when I just wish I had had the camera on me! She arrived to the sound of music on Radio One and the first thing the midwife said was "My God I have never seen a baby with so much hair!". No matter how much pain had been endured by me, with all those contractions, and by Ketan, who was probably down to 8 fingers, this was the happiest moment of our lives... we had created something so beautiful together. The nurse smiled and handed Ketan our first and only child, a beautiful baby girl with a mop of ebony black hair, congratulating us. We had no words but words were insufficient and unnecessary at this moment... we simply cried tears of happiness and smiled at this bundle of perfection. Then the nurse apologetically took the baby away and placed her in a cot on the other side of the room. Whisking Ketan away for a few minutes, she said to me "If baby cries, don´t worry, don´t get up, just leave her alone... you are fragile!" As they left the room, I lay back... all the pain had gone... I could not feel anything and I simply thought of our creation, our work of art... I already missed her and wanted her in my arms. Suddenly, she started to cry, no not cry... wail like an abandoned orphan... I could not ignore it... that maternal instinct, that every woman must have programmed within her, kicked in and I leapt out of bed and ran to pick her up... not noticing the blood gushing down my legs... "Oh my god!" I thought "The midwife is going to kill me!". I didn´t care, as long as I knew that my baby was alright.

Since that day, everything changed and for Ketan and I, this special delivery became the centre of our universe. Where the last eighteen years have disappeared, only god alone knows and if we could do it all over again, we absolutely would.

We named her Krisha Kay Ketan Gandhi. Like many Hindus we were given a number of letters from the Gujerati alphabet of which we chose the letter which sounds like K in the English alphabet. Krisha was an idea that her dad came up with. There was a radio presenter on the local Red Rose radio station called Krisha and also Ketan felt that it had K from his name and Sha from mine so and ideal combination. Later we found out that it was a Polish name meaning little boat...now I look back and think how apt for someone whose dream it is to travel the world; Kay was after my very good friend at the time...and I liked it because it was short and sweet; and like most Indians, we decided to also give her her fathers name so her initials were an unforgettable KKK Gandhi.

Krisha is the first grandchild on my side of the family and for my late dad, she was his pride and joy. He was so besotted by having a granddaughter and like all excellent granddads he spoilt her rotten. He bought her bunches of green grapes which she loved and any other fruit or food she enjoyed. I wish he was here to see her all grown up. Krisha has been blessed with a great extended family...also cherished by her granddad in Preston too. It won´t be the same not having the daily phone calls from Meera and Ravi... wanting homework help, chat girls gossip (that´s with Meera of course!) or talk footy!

Krish is undoubtedly a daddy´s girl and I don´t mind at all because it is a joy to see the fantastic relationship she has with her dad... They are so alike in many ways and they connect like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes when they talk about footy, it is annoying as I am a dunce when it comes to this overstated game but deep down inside I am quite impressed at their knowledge of players and the all the latest gossip about which team has bought or sold which player for the so many trillions of pounds. I love it when they both kick the ball around outside the house and I hear their shouting and laughing. Krish's love for footy, especially Liverpool, and great taste in players, has now got me hooked too... I loved the Real Madrid match we took her to some years back just so she could watch Mr Beckham... and it was worth it! It was crazy watching the World Cup this year... we screamed at the TV as Spain got closer and closer to becoming the champions of the world and when they did we ran through the streets of Alicante with the Spanish flag and she got me to drive around the city, beeping my horn until it and I were both exhausted... it was an unforgettable night.

The last nearly six years in Spain have been amazing. They have been quality years where the two of us have become closer. Now I almost feel like she is my fifth sister as we chat about music and she helps me download songs legally of course onto my IPOD. She is fantastically technical and if she can´t do it, she knows a very clever Russian that can... Max!!! I will so miss all of Krish´s friends... I have loved having them over... the house feels alive when Krish has had her sleep overs... OK the Kitchen is raided and her room looks like a war zone but it is a sign of life and I can´t imagine the house without these regular friendly invasions. I´ll miss cooking curries for her friend Jordan (alias my adopted son) and I´ll miss taking her and Emma to local shopping centres... ohhh and even though it didn´t happen very often, we'll miss waiting up for her at dawn when she rolls in from a Spanish night out!!!

I won´t forget our recent trip to London to see Beyonce in concert and I so hope we still get to see Alicia Keys together one day. I have loved our holidays to Spain, Turkey, Africa, America, Canada and of course India to name a few... Looking forward to visit her in the far east next year.

Krish has made us so proud over the last 18 years...and pride isn't simply based on academic achievements but more than anything about being the kind and caring human being that she is. I missed out on her early childhood development because of my own career ambitions but the last 6 years have enabled me to be there... at parents evenings, at awards nights and at other major events. I remember one parents evening her teacher said "What I love about Krish is that she is so compassionate": I was so proud of her because this is a beautiful quality to have and not always used to describe a teenager. It has been a joy to see Krish grow up into a caring and thoughtful adult who constantly thinks of others, especially those less fortunate than her. Krish's close friends will know that she loves baking and often has baked goodies for charity bake sales, helping to raise much needed funds for local projects. Over the last few years, she has become passionate about fund-raising and being instrumental in her school´s fund-raising committee. Every year I go to awards night and I am one of many proud mums as I watch Krish receive an award but this year I am sure I can safely say that I was the proudest mum in the audience as Krish stood smartly on the podium as Head Girl and beautifully delivered an opening speech with Head Boy, Sam. I was even prouder as she received three awards including the COBIS award for Excellence... I was like a Cheshire cat, smiling all night and wanting to jump for joy. I only wished her dad had been there to share the moment with us.

Well here we are: 11th August 2010 and in less than a week's time, our baby will be jetting off to the start of a new and independent life in Beijing. It's not sunk in yet and probably won't for some time but inside my stomach, I feel like I have thousands of butterflies all fluttering about madly as if they are high on ginseng. I have tried not to think too much about the actual departure as I start to well up but I know it's going to be an emotional time... I know that 17th August 2010 will be a turning point in all our lives as we kiss our baby goodbye and watch her enter the next crucial stage of her life... adulthood. I know she will grow and develop and become more independent but I hope she always stays the compassionate and loving human being that she is... and keeps her mum, dad and her four moggies close to her heart.

Good Luck Krish! Rock China!! but stay safe and remember keep smiling and the world will smile with you!

Falling in Love Again!

You know that funny feeling you have inside you when you fall in love. It's a magical moment when your heart races like a galloping horse and your stomach somersaults like an Olympic gymnast... you only think this happens to you once or at the most twice in your life... on this maiden holiday, I had fallen head over heels no less than four times and each time with a different town or city... if these were all men then I would unashamedly be having several affairs and devouring every moment. Could it therefore be possible that at our next port of call, I could feel the same fuzzy feeling again?

As we entered Cádiz, it felt like we had come from the top of the world to the end of the world. My first impression: Cádiz is Like a pure white mermaid basking in the shimmering sun, wallowing in the warm waters of the Mediterranean and the Atlantic Ocean, Cádiz is simply enrapturing. It was only recently, I found out that Lord Byron had christened it as "Sirena del Oceano" referring to a beautiful mermaid, a curvaceous creature looking out to sea. There is an Atlantis feel about Cadiz except that it proudly and victoriously stands above the water. Like a Beefeater majestically guarding the queen of England, Cádiz Cathedral is so strategically situated at the head of the city and at the edge of the Atlantic, it is an omnipotent edifice: a cathedral, a lighthouse, a fortress and a castle all rolled into one, protecting the city, its people and their prized possessions. With its silvery white walls, its fusion of baroque-rococo-neoclassical styles and its gleaming golden domes, this iconic landmark is stamped in my memory forever.

As we walked through the sea of white houses, we found another popular plaza full of small, quaint bars with their al-fresco seating on the square. As we sat and drank our caña (beer) and ate our oily olives, a wedding party rejoiced as newly weds floated out of the local church, almost as if they were literally on cloud nine! I watched the bride in her immaculately white meringue-style dress, beaming with joy at her husband, excited about the future that lay ahead... and I wished I could have my wedding day again (with Ketan of course), here in Cádiz. I closed my eyes and envisaged myself in an elegantly, flowing, fitted snow white gown, gliding out of Cádiz cathedral, hand in hand with Ketan, suited and booted. We were laughing and crying with joy at the same time; we danced all night on the silvery sand, later swam in the turquoise ocean and spent our first night together under the starry skies of Cádiz's Costa de la Luz. I smiled as I thought how happy I was...I could feel my heart racing and my stomaching doing back flips and I knew I was in love again.

As we drove away from Cadiz, I knew it was not adios but hasta luego.